Just Say No.

Self Confidence #118

Treading the fine line between being supportive or coming off as arrogant or selfish is a tough tightrope to cross. I am one of the biggest culprits of saying ‘Okay, I’ll do it” way too much. We often feel that saying no means “ I don’t care” or “You are not worth my time.” That is not always the case. In fact, there is a healthy approach to bonding with someone by agreeing on, and clarifying boundaries.

Sometimes, saying no can allow you to set a boundary for your self. Not ‘yourself’, but in support of your self. So often we compromise our ‘me-time’ or money or expend some effort that only benefits someone else. I’m not talking about doing a favor, or helping out someone with a need that you care about. Here, I am focusing on the line we cross that impacts our self in a negative way.

If it were that easy, everyone would handle it. But most of us never had a role model who taught us how to lay down healthy barriers and still remain supportive. Those of us who kep a tight schedule and follow id diligently know that saying no protects the time slots that are of a higher priority. Getting comfortable with knowing what is most important and what is easily flexible actually creates greater self confidence. Say YES to being forthright and clear about what you have prioritized. An attractive trait, yes?

I bet you know at least one person who has been known to say, ‘Let me check my calendar first …’. This habit of keeping an organized schedule draws respect from those who know you as well as those who don’t yet. Letting your support circle know that a scheduled appointment does not diminish your bond with someone, but rather, makes a clear boundary a bridge to trust. For example, If I myself ask someone to do something on a specific day and time, and say so no can do, then I am certain that person will not say yes to me but secretly resent it. Shifting a time slot is making it best for both of us, not a diss. When someone tells me they prefer to shift the time to meet a half an hour later in case they are running late, I feel better knowing that their value of my time won’t be compromised by causing me to wait for them. That’s a good friend! And a respectful professional move when we don’t know each other well yet.

Saying NO does not have to be a nasty retort or shameful reply. Using the gentle approach, a soft ‘Let me see if that can work. Let me get back to you after I hear back…’ etc. It is not even harsh to say ‘You know what, this is important to me, so let’s find the best way to meet each other half way…’

So, why is it SO hard to ‘say no’ when it comes to putting our self first? Your schedule is only part of what you have built into a productive routine. Your kids and family at home are a priority. Your work related tasks are a priority. Your ‘me-time’ should be a priority as well.

And like Adele says;

While easing into a comfortable routine of saying ‘let’s explore another option,’ keep in mind YOU ARE WORTH the time you prioritize. Be the role model to help others learn to balance their self confidence more by not saying Yeah Yeah Yeah too much.